Difficulty Forming A Connecting During Physical Acts Of Intimacy In A Relationship

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Physical acts of intimacy are important in a relationship. They can range from smaller acts such as hugs and more intimate ones such as sexual acts. Any form of intimacy, especially physical intimacy requires a deep level of understanding, trust, and patience. Physical closeness plays a very important role in most relationships and could be one of your priorities when choosing a partner. But the chances of you achieving the perfect levels of physical closeness without any prior efforts or understanding are very low. While trying to achieve physical intimacy, it is essential to consider other aspects of intimacy such as emotional intimacy. Emotional intimacy and closeness play a crucial role in physical intimacy, at least in long-term relationships. Sharing one’s deepest and darkest thoughts is similar to giving a piece of yourself to the other person. It is a rather vulnerable experience to share but once done effectively can create a great sense of closeness, comfort, and connection with your partner.

Apart from a lack of emotional intimacy, there are other reasons why you might face issues around physical intimacy and struggle to create a connection with your partner. 

Some Common Challenges You Might 

  • Not knowing how to start- if you are confused as to how you should start, you could just simply ask your partner about their sexual preferences. Taking small steps and starting slow will eventually lead you to figure out what s right. There are books and videos online that you could refer to if you wish to.
  • Being insecure- about yourself and your body are major factors that contribute to people not being comfortable or not being able to form a connection. You might constantly indulge in thoughts about yourself, your body, how you look, and how you are performing which might ultimately hamper your performance.  
  • Lack of listening skills- listen to your partner, and comprehend what they are saying when they express their needs and wants. Try not to get defensive if they suggest you do something better and simply take it as a sign that your partner is comfortable with you and feels close enough to openly share their thoughts with you.
  • Resolving personal issues- there may be some unresolved issues between the both of you or the stuff that you deal with personally such as a busy and stressful lifestyle and so on. 
  • Resolving Past trauma- your past trauma may be holding you back from getting intimate with your new partner. Make sure that you deal with and accept your past issues before you get into a new relationship. 
  • Spending time- spending time with your partner is a good way to get comfortable around each other in all senses and share. 
  • Talking- talking and sharing thoughts and opinions is a good way to know each other, how they feel about themselves, their values and opinions about the concerned topic and so much more.
  • Focus on other forms of intimacy before physical intimacy- while physical intimacy increases the connection between people, there are some steps that you must consider before you jump there. Try to build on emotional intimacy, shared opinions, and values.
  • Willingness to compromise- It is rather unreasonable to look for a ‘perfect’ sexually compatible partner where you give and receive everything without any compromises. There may be instances where your wants are not met, and vice versa. It is essential to still respect and value what the other person is comfortable with. 

Issues such as past or childhood trauma, and bad experiences are grave issues that must be dealt with. Ignoring trauma might lead to those issues increasing in intensity and ultimately creating more issues than before. If you struggle to deal with them, a good way to effectively tackle these issues could be to seek therapy. Therapy creates a  safe and non-judgmental space for you to share your concerns with your partner so you both can lead a better life with a healthy relationship.

Ms. Priyanka Walia
Ms. Priyanka Walia M.A. Counselling Psychology Counselling Psychologist 05 years of experience

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Ms. Muskan Maheshwari
Ms. Muskan Maheshwari M.Sc. Clinical Psychology Clinical Psychologist 02 years of experience

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Mr. Nishant Sharma
Mr. Nishant Sharma M.Phil. Clinical Psychology Clinical Psychologist 07 years of experience

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Ms. Akshita Bakshi
Ms. Akshita Bakshi Ph.D. Relationship Psychology Counselling Psychologist 05 years of experience

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