Do your Words Matter?
Yes! Your words absolutely matter in a relationship. Words are the foundational blocks behind strong communication which is a crucial aspect of every healthy relationship. They can make or break a relationship.
This is especially true of negative words. Negative words have an irreversible impact on your partner. When you say something negative to your partner you are eroding the strong foundation of your relationship. This can create a lot of conflicts, arguments and fights to arise. Constant usage of negative words with your partner can also impact their self-esteem as these words become their inner voice. Instead of forming an inner voice that is secure and safe, they will form a voice that is critical and resentful all the time. Negative words and phrases not only leave an ugly scar on their self-esteem but also leaves a scar on the well-being of your relationship.
5 things you should Never say to your Man
While it is not limited to these 5 phrases only, these are just some of the most common things said to men, that should not be said to them,
- “You Always….” or “You Never….” -
When you use words like “always” or “never” you are making generalisations about your man’s behaviour. This is a very unhealthy thing to tell your man because he will feel like you are just attacking him. If you think clearly, does your partner always forget your birthday? Or does he never appreciate you? The answer is most likely no. If you have a problem with him over something he did or didn’t do then you have to narrow it down to that particular situation and not make sweeping generalisations about his behaviour.
- “You re Just Like My Ex” -
You should NEVER tell your partner that they are like your ex. This is a very derogatory thing to tell your partner. Perhaps your man and your ex have a few similarities, be it negative or positive qualities. Comparison is bad enough but comparing to your ex is worse because it will make your partner feel very insulted. You must acknowledge that every person is unique and that making comparisons to people from your past is never a healthy response.
- “I’m Fine” -
If you ask your partner how they are and they reply saying “I’m fine” when in fact they are crying their eyes out you will know that what they are saying is not congruent with their emotion. This is why you should also NEVER say “I’m fine” to your man when he asks you how you are or even otherwise. Unless and until you are actually fine, you should never say this. This is because it is going to create a space where you continue to hide and suppress emotions and thoughts which are not good for you and puts a lot of pressure on your partner to investigate the issue. You should be able to discuss your emotions and thoughts freely with your partner at your own time. It is not fair that they have to always investigate if something is wrong and ask you about it.
- “So Typical Of You” -
This is a negative and hurtful statement that is filled with sarcasm and taunt. This phrase can have a very negative impact on the relationship’s well-being. If your partner does something wrong or makes a mistake and you say something like “so typical of you” you are just dismissing their efforts and telling them indirectly that they cannot do anything right. Your partner is naturally going to stop putting in any effort because they feel that anything they do will be welcomed with criticism and negativity by you.
- “All Men are…” -
This is also a gross generalisation. Irrespective of the issue you must never say this to your man because it is a disrespectful stereotypical generalisation towards men. Perhaps your man has made a mistake or has a habit that is similar to the men you know in your life, but it cannot be said that ALL men are like that right? Hence, it is not fair on your part to paint your partner with this phrase.
Why you Shouldn’t say these?
You must be wondering why these statements are harmful and shouldn’t be said to men. Here are some of the reasons,
- Invalidated -
When you say things like “so typical of you” your partner is going to feel extremely invalidated. They are going to feel like all their efforts are in vain and this breeds a lot of negativity in their head about their actions. In extreme cases, men stop putting in any effort in order to avoid the criticism.
- Hurt & Frustrated -
These phrases are extremely negative in nature and so it is normal that your man is going to be deeply hurt by these. He is most likely going to be disappointed that his actions are being misinterpreted and misunderstood. Your partner is going to be extremely frustrated at you and it is going to create room for more fights and conflicts to emerge.
- Insecure -
When you are comparing your man with your ex or saying things like “so typical of you”, you are breeding insecurity in your partner. Your partner is going to feel hesitant to put effort next time and these phrases are going to become their inner critical voice that speaks to them before they do anything nice next time. Making your man feel insecure is going to create an extremely toxic relationship.
If you feel that you require additional assistance to speak to your man in a better way, then feel free to reach out to us!