We all have our own needs, be it physical, emotional, or spiritual. Chances are that you have these needs and also expect your partner to fulfill them. While it feels nice when these needs are met, expecting your partner to fulfill those needs without you communicating them is rather unfair. So today we can discuss how we can communicate about and teach your significant other about your emotional needs.
What Are Emotional Needs?
Feeling appreciated and feeling accomplished are examples of one s emotional needs. Emotional needs are subjective to the individual along with how they are met and should be fulfilled. It is important to identify those needs and communicate them accordingly. Emotional needs vary in type and intensity based on the individual and the relationship. If you love being verbally complemented and your partner does not have the habit of complimenting, then finding the middle ground where both of you feel happy and comfortable might be the way to go. If these needs are met and you are able to build a strong and healthy emotional bond with your partner then that would allow for a beautiful relationship where both of you are comfortable sharing your thoughts and emotions without having to worry. Doing so is a sign of a healthy relationship.
Emotional needs have been given importance since the very beginning, even Maslow mentioned emotional needs being met as an essential step towards self-actualization. Emotional needs arise from general well-being and hence have an impact on the maintenance of self too. In relationships. we feel happier, more comfortable, and closer to our spouse when our emotional needs are addressed. Contrary to that, if these needs are not met then we may feel lonely, resentful, and insecure.
Are You Aware Of Your Emotional Needs?
Now that you know what emotional needs are, can you identify them in yourself? While there is a very broad category of emotional needs that you would want to fulfill or expect your partner to fulfill, you can start by thinking about small things which provide you with a sense of comfort or happiness. There are certain acts that might give you a sense of comfort and make you feel better about yourself. Once you have done this, the next step is to communicate those with your partner so they know what they can do to make you feel better. But remember, this is not a one-sided thing, you should listen to your partner s needs with an open mind and try to fulfill them too. This mutual effort will allow you to understand each other better and build a stronger and more fulfilling relationship.
Some Tips On How To Communicate Your Emotional Needs With Your Partner:
You can start by identifying your own needs first. Make a list of things that bring you comfort and happiness.
Choose an appropriate way to communicate your needs, at the right time and place. Doing so will ensure effective communication on the topic.
An easy way to show how much those needs affect you is the usage of ‘I’ while communicating those needs. Emphasis on yourself will ensure that the other person understands that it is about you and how those things affect you.
When you shift to talking about shared needs then you can, the usage of ‘we’ is important to hint towards the shift in tone, needs, and contribution from both parties.
Be open about hearing out your partner and their needs to show that you are there for them and building this bond is a mutual effort rather than one-sided compromises.
Be mindful of your tone while communicating those needs as blaming or accusing your partner might not be of much use during this conversation.
How To Mutually Fulfill Emotional Needs
- Spend quality time together: This would allow both of you to learn more about each other.
- Do things that you both enjoy: doing so will make you both realize what your partner likes doing so it can be encouraged more.
- Listen to them when they need to talk: listening to your partner, during normal conversations and during times of conflict is a healthy way to communicate and form your response which allows for a mindful conversation.
- Be supportive and understanding: this should be a mutual practice for a balanced and healthy relationship where both of you feel heard and feel comfortable enough to share what you feel.
- Validate their feelings: make your partner feel like their feelings matter and it isn t ‘stupid’ to feel that way. They would feel comfortable sharing what they feel.
Physical closeness plays a very important role in most relationships and could be one of your priorities when choosing a partner. But the chances of you achieving physical closeness in a relationship without emotional intimacy are very low. Emotional intimacy and closeness play a crucial role in physical intimacy, at least in long-term relationships. Sharing one’s deepest and darkest thoughts is similar to giving a piece of yourself to the other person. It is a rather vulnerable experience, but once done effectively can create a great sense of closeness, comfort, and connection with your partner.
Of course, emotional intimacy and physical intimacy are not always perfectly correlated. There may be times when you feel emotionally intimate with someone but don t feel physically attracted to them. And conversely, there may be times when you feel physically attracted to someone but don t feel emotionally intimate with them. Physical intimacy does require a certain level of vulnerability and trust - more for some than others, and in some settings than others. It does not, however, necessitate complete vulnerability and trust for it to occur. It is not impossible to be physically intimate without emotional closeness. However, emotional intimacy is generally a strong predictor of physical closeness in most long-term relationships.
Common Issues While Forming An Emotional Bond
With that being said, why do so many people struggle with creating an emotional bond with their partners? There are some common issues that you can look into:
- Having differing opinions and values- it is very rare that two people have the exact same values and opinions regarding subjects. Values and opinions are formed in the early stages of life and having conflicting values can be stressful and may cause a hindrance in achieving emotional as well as physical closeness.
- Communication issues- not being able to communicate properly is not only detrimental to physical closeness but also to the emotional bond that people share. You cannot build an emotional bond without communicating your thoughts, feelings ad motions properly.
- Trust issues- past experiences may have led to this. It is important to heal from one’s past and then move on to the next relationship so the wounds from the past relationship do not affect the current relationship.
- Past experiences- someone’s past experiences might affect the way they deal with certain people and scenarios. Past experiences may be negative in nature such as abuse or trauma which causes the person to build very high walls around them which can be hard to get through
Ways To Deal With These Issues
These are very common problems that people tend to face due to a variety of reasons, if you also feel some of these, then here are some things that you can focus on improving:
- Respecting your partner- it is essential to respect your partner in every way that you can. It could be their emotional needs or physical needs which must be met with utmost respect. Not having this may be a factor for the above-mentioned problems.
- Communication- we have learned that communication plays an essential role to fix and break things. Hence if you feel that you lack in this aspect then you should start with sharing small things and build on them eventually.
- Opening up about your wants and needs-having open communication and opening up about your wants and needs is a vulnerable experience and must be done with patience, starting with small steps.
- Maintaining boundaries- boundaries include both mental and physical boundaries. It is important for you to maintain and respect your own boundaries for everyone else to respect them as well.
Creating an emotional bond with someone gives you another person you can trust and rely on hence making you feel more secure. Emotional bonds can sometimes be hard to create and even harder to maintain hence it s important to understand what you want and not hurt others. Being able to be physically close to someone comes through vulnerability and a sense of comfort, which can be achieved through emotional closeness. Another thing that can be achieved through emotional closeness is reduced levels of stress. Stress can cause a hindrance in physical closeness and intimacy. Being able to share your stress with your partner and knowing that you have someone to hear you out and even help you when required is a sign of a healthy relationship.