How To Co Create A Safe Marriage

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Written By:

Counselling Psychologist - M.Sc. Clinical Psychology

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Reviewed By:

Counselling Psychologist - Ph.D. Relationship Psychology

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What is a Safe Marriage? 

A safe marriage is a type of intimate relationship where there is immense emotional and physical safety along with security between the partners. The main characteristics of a safe marriage are open communication, security, empathy, respect for each other’s personal boundaries and personal space. If partners are able to express their emotions, thoughts, feelings, needs and desires openly, without hesitation then it can be said that they are in a safe marriage. 

A safe marriage is very crucial for the happiness of the people involved. Every safe marriage has a strong foundation that is as strong as a rock, built on trust, communication and mutual respect. Safety is not just protecting your partner from unwanted danger. It also involves fostering a deep relationship where there is emotional intimacy and an ability to be truly yourself in front of each other. 

These are some of the signs you are in a safe marriage.

  1. You feel extremely secure in front of your partner, 
  2. Your partner doesn’t want to “change” you and accepts you just the way you are, 
  3. You are given love and reassurance from time to time, 
  4. Your partner is empathetic towards you, 
  5. Your partner communicates their thoughts, feelings with you without any hesitation, 
  6. Your flaws are not seen in a negative light, 
  7. You and your partner are compatible about your future goals and aspirations, 
  8. You and your partner go beyond the surface-level attributes, 
  9. You can rely on your partner no matter what, 
  10. There is no room for judgement in your relationship. 

Imagine you are on a beautiful cruise for a long duration trip. During the cruise you experience all kinds of adventures and excitement. But despite all these adventures and excitements, there is one foundational aspect that would give you the feeling of relief before joining such a trip. And that is safety. This is exactly how any relationship or a commitment like marriage works. While there are adventures and exciting activities, the foundational aspect of safety cannot and should not be compromised on. A safe marriage will allow you to feel secure during the storms that plague marriages from time to time. This is why it is important to ensure that you and your partner are co-creating a safe marriage. 

Ways to Co-Create a Safe Marriage 

A healthy relationship or a safe marriage don’t just appear and are not just born, they have to be created with consistent effort and dedication towards the relationship and each other. Lucky for you, you can begin on this journey even if you have been married with your spouse for sometime! These are some of the ways in which you can create a safe marriage, 

  1. Keep all Lines of Communication Open - 

It is important for you to keep all lines of communication open in your marriage for it to be a safe marriage. This is because without communication you will never know what your partner is truly feeling or thinking. At the same time, if you don’t help in creating a conducive environment where your partner can freely communicate, then barriers are likely to arise in the relationship. Open communication also involves not being judgemental about each other. You should be able to discuss all kinds of topics without the fear of judgement. 

  1. Mutual Respect - 

Respect is the foundation of every strong relationship and every safe marriage. It is important that you show respect to your partner. Respect is not just limited to physical respect. You must also show emotional respect. This means that if your partner has a boundary or has a personal space, you must respect it and not try to encroach it. When you make this a habit in your relationship, your partner is going to feel safe in the relationship and marriage. 

  1. Ability to Bounce Back from Conflicts - 

A safe marriage is one where there is an ability to bounce back from conflicts. Conflicts are part and parcel of every relationship. However, what is important is the ability to be resilient and bounce back from those conflicts. It is not you versus your partner, it is you and your partner versus the problem. That is why you must put in the effort to brainstorm solutions for your problems after you have had considerable time to cool donw. 

  1. Support and Encouragement - 

A safe marriage is one that is characterised by constant support and encouragement to do better and be better. So make sure to support your partner through their tough times, and through their achievements and encourage them to better and be better. This way you will create a safe environment where the both of you are growing in love. 

  1. Empathy

This is one of the most crucial skills you can learn to create a safer marriage. Empathy is the ability to see things from other people’s perspectives. You must practice empathy with your partner and see their situations from their perspective. This unlocks a deeper level of understanding between you two. Your partner will feel heard and validated. 

  1. Be Authentic with Each Other - 

A safe marriage is one where you can be authentic with each other. When you can be unapologetically you in front of your partner, then you are eventually going to be able to co-create a safe marriage. Being authentic with each other means that you can discover a lot of things about yourself and each other and along the way you can create a deeper sense of belonging and togetherness. 

  1. Physical and Emotional Intimacy - 

Physical intimacy and emotional intimacy are part and parcel of a healthy functionting marriage. When you are respectful to your partner and are also respectful of their physical and emotional being, your marriage will automatically become safe. By engaging in regular intimate interactions you will be able to safeguard your relationship from negative influences like isolation, distance, ignorance and disrespect. 

Co-creating a safe marriage doesn’t have to be a task. It can be fun and enjoyable and we are here to help you out on this journey!

Ms. Priyanka Walia
Ms. Priyanka Walia M.A. Counselling Psychology Counselling Psychologist 05 years of experience

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Ms. Muskan Maheshwari
Ms. Muskan Maheshwari M.Sc. Clinical Psychology Clinical Psychologist 02 years of experience

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Mr. Nishant Sharma
Mr. Nishant Sharma M.Phil. Clinical Psychology Clinical Psychologist 07 years of experience

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Ms. Akshita Bakshi
Ms. Akshita Bakshi Ph.D. Relationship Psychology Counselling Psychologist 05 years of experience

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