Having someone s physical company might not be enough to get rid of feelings of loneliness and isolation. It is argued that feeling understood is sometimes more important than feeling loved. Being understood and feeling that way solves a lot of problems faced in relationships but why is that? Feeling loved does not solve the problems that you have, and feeling loved does not automatically equate to compatibility between two people. There are several reasons as to why couples might struggle from lack of understanding between them.
- Lack of empathy for your partner
- Lack of listening skills
- Lack of awareness
- Lack of self awareness
These problems exist in a lot of relationships and it is possible to fight through them and solve them. It requires mutual effort and willingness to maintain a happy healthy relationship. Not being able to solve these issues is not the real problem. Understanding your partner comes with time and it is something that is built through mutual efforts. But there are certain signs which are simply wrong and should be dealt with right away.
Signs Of A Red Flag
Being or not being understood is not the immediate sign of a red flag, there are certain signs to look out for which might make that individual or their traits a ‘red flag’ or problematic/negative
- They Refuse To Acknowledge The Problem.
Lack of understanding might start with them not even knowing that the problem exists. You might confront them with your problems and concerns and they might respond with ‘I don t feel that’s the case’ or ‘that s not true’. There won t be anything to work towards if there is a refusal to accept the problem.
- They Don t Understand You And Don’t Even Try To
If both you and your partner are aware that you both struggle in terms of understanding each other and are making mutual efforts to solve it then it is something that you should put faith in. But if your partner is aware of the problem and does nothing to solve it or even try to, then you might end up struggling even more with further issues.
- Your Partner Dismisses Your Feelings
If your partner doesn t understand you but at least tries to do so is something that you should acknowledge and appreciate. However, if your partner does not understand you, does not try to, and further pushes your concerns away is something that is simply wrong and should be addressed as soon as possible.
- Your Partner Always Tries To Make It About Themselves
You could tell your partner ‘I feel very tired, I slept at 3 am last night’ and they could respond with ‘I slept at 5 am, you got more sleep than me’. Them sharing their concerns is not an issue, but them competing with your concerns and making themselves the focal point of every issue is concerning as you would always feel like your problems don t matter or that their problems matter more.
This could be evident through two means. They could either simply not listen to you at all, or they could hear you out and not care about you, your concerns, or anything that you have to say. Both of these are problematic and should be confronted right away
Things You Can Do To Come Out Of This Situation
One should also understand that having troubles in this field isn t always because one of you is wrong. It can occur due to various other reasons such as lack of time that is being spent together, lack of patience, or lack of faith. Many couples struggle with issues early in their relationship. That is not something you should give up on. It takes a lot of time, effort, and patience to build a good level of understanding and trust. Make sure you don t confuse these things with red flags.
You or your partner could also be emotionally and mentally strained due to stress from work or other aspects of life which might make them seem like they are unavailable for you and don t pay attention to your concerns. Don t beat yourself up if you are in this position and try being in their shoes if your partner is in a similar strained position. Make sure you consider one’s history of behaviors, with you and with others before you if there were any to know if their unavailability or lack of sympathy and empathy is temporary or a behavioral pattern.
- You can try to confront them
- Give them some time and be patient
- Let them know how you feel
- Don t put yourself down
- Try to identify the red flags
It is ultimately upon you to decide whether you feel understood or whether or not it is a red flag for you and your relationship. If you feel unheard, sad, mistreated and just unhappy in your relationship then you should definitely talk to them about it. If talking does not help and they are unwilling to listen to make efforts then you need to decide whether that relationship is good for you or not.
How Can Therapy Help
If you are both committed to making your relationship work, couples therapy can be a valuable tool for improving your relationship. Seeking help from a professional can be beneficial in cases where you yourself can t help it anymore. Couples therapy is something that you can look into. It needs a trained professional to help you understand and deal with the problems you and your partner deal with. If you are considering therapy, it is important to find a therapist who is a good fit for you. There are many different types of therapy, so it is important to find one that is right for you. You should also feel comfortable with your therapist and be able to trust them. The professional tries their best to get you and your partner to share your problems openly in a nonjudgmental and understanding place.