My Partner Does not Like To Get Intimate With Me As Much As I Would Like To

People have different ideas of intimacy and different wants, needs, and expectations. While you might be completely comfortable with your partner and truly in love, you might have conflicting or incompatible needs. Most people have a rather restricted idea of intimacy which revolves around physical closeness. While physical closeness is an important aspect, intimacy between couples is much more than that. It requires an in-depth understanding of the subject matter, your partner, and their wants, which cannot be done overnight. It takes time, effort, and patience to get there. Physical intimacy refers to physical closeness that can be achieved through sexual activities, but other forms could also include holding hands, hugging, and so on. Emotional intimacy refers to being connected with someone on a level where both parties involved feel comfortable enough to share thoughts, emotions, and opinions comfortably without the fear of judgment or being ridiculed. This leads to a deeper understanding between the individuals, and the connections become stronger. 

Talking about sexual needs and expectations can be tackled with the simple step of communicating with your partner, but it is not that easy. Sex and sexual needs are topics that are often scrutinized, criticized, and looked upon with shame. The stigma attached to it makes it hard, especially for women, to communicate their needs and desires. You could try to explore with your partner and ask them about what they like and are comfortable with before executing anything. Slowly, you will learn about each other s interests, comfort levels, and other important aspects. This may also lead to you both finding activities that you both like and are comfortable doing together. 

There are instances when you wish to be intimate with your partner but you do not receive the same energy from your significant other. It could be in terms of physical intimacy or emotional intimacy. There are various reasons why one might not want to indulge in either of these forms of intimacy. These include past trauma, childhood trauma, bad experiences, lack of trust, and lack of time. Some others could be a busy and tiring schedule, mental health issues, or excessive stress. 

Ways To Promote Healthy Discussions 

An essential step is to have frequent and open conversations about the subject matter. But discussions can sometimes lead to misunderstandings and fights. While doing these discussions, it is important to consider these points to tackle the above challenges and have an effective and fruitful discussion: 

• Value Each Other And Their Opinions

Since sex and the topics surrounding it are mostly sensitive for people, valuing people is important because you may end up hurting someone s self-confidence. Valuing the person is as important as valuing their opinions and accepting them.  

• Understanding The Value Of Touch Or Physical Intimacy 

Physical intimacy can be a powerful way of communicating emotions non-verbally. It offers a subtler and more nuanced approach to the way we interact with others. Whether it is a hug or a pat on the back, it can communicate positive emotions such as love and gratitude. Contact can also be an essential way of conveying sympathy. For example, when someone is experiencing grief, sometimes an arm around their shoulder provides more comfort than words alone.

• Tackling personal issues. 

As mentioned before, there are various issues such as past trauma, childhood trauma, bad experiences, lack of trust, and lack of time. Some others could be a busy and tiring schedule, mental health issues, or excessive stress which stops someone from indulging in intimacy. Talking about these issues effectively through personal effort or therapy if required is a direction in the right step. 

• Speak Respectfully. 

Having a disrespectful or complaining tone will lead to anything but a fruitful and effective discussion. Speaking respectfully goes hand in hand with valuing the other individual. One must have an accepting attitude when heading into such discussions. 

• Choosing The Right Time And Location 

It is also important to choose the right time and location. A location that is convenient for both, and discussing ‘lacking’ just after having sex might not be the best time. An appropriate time would be when you both are emotionally stable. 

• Willingness to compromise

It is rather unreasonable to look for a ‘perfect’ sexually compatible partner where you give and receive everything without any compromises. There may be instances where your wants are not met, and vice versa. It is essential to still respect and value what the other person is comfortable with. 

If you feel like both of you are unable to have fruitful discussions and get out of this problem, seeking professional help might not be a bad idea. A couple Therapist, by explaining the importance of touch, can repair relationships. Lack of touch often creates tension between partners, and it is essential for both to understand the importance of touch and how it contributes positively to the relationship.