Identifying My Conflict Needs

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Counselling Psychologist - M.Sc. Clinical Psychology

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Reviewed By:

Counselling Psychologist - Ph.D. Relationship Psychology

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Conflicts can be high or low in intensity, they usually occur due to a disagreement within the individual or with another individual. You could be conflicted between choosing two ice cream flavors or could have a conflict with another person regarding divorce. Apart from interpersonal conflicts, there are many interpersonal conflicts such as the ones you have with your significant others are normal, yet it is important to learn what you can do to deal with them better. A good way to start would be to identify your conflict needs. 

Types Of Conflict Needs 

There are certain needs that people have to maintain in times of conflict and solve them. These needs are:

  • A sense of voice- people have the innate tendency to be wanting to be heard. During a conflict, the people involved want their voices, concerns, and opinions to be heard. An essential for this need to be fulfilled is a person who wants to share their opinions and another person who s willing to listen. People tend to lose their sense of voice when they are not able to express their concerns and also refuse to listen to others which leads to arguments and shouting. Many conflicts source from not being heard. 
  • Safety- Safety is your control over your immediate surroundings and its impact on you. Safety could refer to physical as well as mental safety. People wish to save themselves and be careful from burglary and emotionally taxing situations in order to keep themselves safe and feel better. 
  • Validation- it feels good when people around us agree with us. We tend to share our opinions in groups and around other people or on social media, to not just voice our opinions but hopefully find people who agree with us and to find like-minded people. Validation gives one a sense of confidence. 
  • Vindication- vindication refers to the feeling of wanting to be right. Wanting to be right and others to be wrong is a rather extreme version of this.  
  • Procedural justice- you can voice your opinion,  feel validated, and be vindicated but all of it would be of no use without a third party, preferably a party which falls above average humans and can support you in your path and make you feel safe from a point of authority. People heavily rely on the court or justice system in order to resolve conflicts, it plays an essential role in everyone’s lives.  
  • Want to make a difference- this comes from the innate need to want or make a difference. People wish to make a difference that makes an impact on themselves and the people around them.

While all these needs are meant to work together in order to maintain equilibrium and peace, they are often contradictory which leads to a paradoxical situation for many people. It is important to identify the conflicts and what needs are active in order of importance. Doing so will allow you to contemplate what needs are actually important, why u wish to fulfill them, and what would happen as a consequence of you fulfilling those needs

Some Ways To Identify Conflict Needs

  • Reflect upon the conflict- if you could not think about what happened while you were dealing with the conflict, thinking about it later with a clearer mind might help you to reflect on what went wrong and how you could have dealt with it. 
  • Reflecting upon your response- once you have analyzed the conflict and what went wrong, reflect upon how you responded or reacted to the situation. Is there anything you could have done better or any measures that you would want to take if you come across similar situations? 

Conflicts are normal in everyday life. Both intra and interpersonal conflicts are perfectly normal. It is essential to learn how to deal with them effectively, even if you can’t solve them immediately. However, facing too many conflicts, especially at once can deteriorate one’s mental health and functioning. Therapy could be something that you might want to look into if you feel like your conflicts are going beyond your control or you simply can t deal with them alone anymore. A third party, professional influence, help, and guidance might not be that bad of an idea.          

Ms. Priyanka Walia
Ms. Priyanka Walia M.A. Counselling Psychology Counselling Psychologist 05 years of experience

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Ms. Muskan Maheshwari
Ms. Muskan Maheshwari M.Sc. Clinical Psychology Clinical Psychologist 02 years of experience

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Mr. Nishant Sharma
Mr. Nishant Sharma M.Phil. Clinical Psychology Clinical Psychologist 07 years of experience

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Ms. Akshita Bakshi
Ms. Akshita Bakshi Ph.D. Relationship Psychology Counselling Psychologist 05 years of experience

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