My Partner Is No Longer As Emotionally Intimate With Me As They Used To

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Written By:

Counselling Psychologist - M.Sc. Clinical Psychology

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Reviewed By:

Counselling Psychologist - Ph.D. Relationship Psychology

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What is Emotional Intimacy? 

Emotional intimacy is the ability to deeply connect with your partner and form an emotional bond with them. It is the creation of a bond that is done through trust, vulnerability and respect. When a couple feels comfortable sharing their vulnerabilities, insecurities, emotions, thoughts with their partner without fear of judgement or rejection, they are said to be emotionally connected together. This emotional connection is built through emotional intimacy. 

Why is it important in a Relationship? 

Emotional intimacy is extremely important in a relationship because it decides the vitality of your relationship. It determines if you or your partner are able to experience total satisfaction when you are with each other. It also determines the longevity of your relationship. Having emotional intimacy with your partner allows for the creation of a safe space that is filled with empathy and understanding. When you have emotional intimacy in your relationship, you won’t be filled with huge amounts of anxiety or sadness. You are likely to experience positive emotions like happiness, affection, love and an overall sense of well-being. If a relationship doesn’t have emotional intimacy, the relationship feels like two oddly shaped puzzle pieces that don’t fit together properly. 

How do I know if My Relationship is Lacking Emotional Intimacy? 

While it is very normal for a couple to experience fluctuating levels of emotional intimacy over time, you should keep an eye out if the lack of emotional intimacy has happened for a long period of time. 

Here are some of the signs to spot if your relationship lacks emotional intimacy, 

  1. There is a breakdown in communication. You and your partner don’t discuss needs, wants and thoughts and communication is limited.
  2. There is apprehension in sharing emotions with your partner. 
  3. You are fearful of showcasing your vulnerability so you keep things to yourself and hold yourself back. 
  4. Your partner seems disinterested in doing things with you. 
  5. You feel unheard or unseen in the relationship. 
  6. You feel like your partner does not support you in your endeavours and end up feeling lonely in the relationship.
  7. You are engaging in frequent conflicts. 
  8. There is a loss of desire to engage in physical acts of intimacy like sensual touching or sexual activities. 
  9. You live in complete disconnection where you have stopped spending quality time together. 
  10. Your partner avoids talking about their emotions and is disinterested in resolving the issues.

What can I do to increase Emotional Intimacy with my Partner? 

Have you resonated with the majority of the pointers mentioned above? If that is the case then here are some things you can do to increase emotional intimacy with your partner, 

  1. Improve your Communication - 

A lack of emotional intimacy leads to a breakdown in communication. That is why you must improve your communication. You must schedule time to discuss your wants, needs and desires with your partner. You must actively try to talk to your partner about what is working and what is not working. This way you and your partner make yourselves aware of each other’s situations. 

  1. Share your Emotions - 

Emotional intimacy involves being emotional with your partner. This means you must be vulnerable to them from time to time and share your emotions and feelings. It will encourage your partner to open up to you in the same way and will also create a safe space filled with trust. When you share something with your partner, you are including them into your life and creating room for more connection. 

  1. Have Shared Goals  - 

Sometimes emotional intimacy gets depleted when two people are working towards different goals. While it is important to keep personal goals in a relationship, you can also create shared goals for the both of you to achieve together. This will create a deeper sense of connection and will encourage openness in your relationship. 

  1. Show them Affection - 

When we are caught up with our busy routines we often forget to show affection to our partners. This is why it is important to begin by showing affection to them in whatever way you please. Express your gratitude to them using words, or shower them with random acts of kindness. This will create more positive emotion in you and your partner. Showing affection goes a long way in creating deeper connections and strengthens relationships. 

  1. Follow a Shared Routine or Ritual  - 

If you feel that you and your partner live in disconnected ways without harmony then you can begin by performing routine tasks together and create a ritual out of this pattern. Maybe you and your partner can cook dinner together, or perform chores together. Apart from this you can also join a hobby class together and learn something new. Doing fun exciting things and making routine things fun together will create more connection and vitality. 

  1. Seek Professional Help - 

If the above tips haven’t helped you and your partner to a great extent, don’t worry. There is always help. You and your partner can seek out a Relationship Therapist or attend Couples Counselling so that you can work through your issues with the help of an expert. 

You don’t have to go through this alone! We are here to provide help and guidance in any way possible! 

Ms. Priyanka Walia
Ms. Priyanka Walia M.A. Counselling Psychology Counselling Psychologist 05 years of experience

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Ms. Muskan Maheshwari
Ms. Muskan Maheshwari M.Sc. Clinical Psychology Clinical Psychologist 02 years of experience

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Mr. Nishant Sharma
Mr. Nishant Sharma M.Phil. Clinical Psychology Clinical Psychologist 07 years of experience

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Ms. Akshita Bakshi
Ms. Akshita Bakshi Ph.D. Relationship Psychology Counselling Psychologist 05 years of experience

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