Is There Hope For An Ideal Relationship Free Of Attachment Styles

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Counselling Psychologist - M.Sc. Clinical Psychology

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Counselling Psychologist - Ph.D. Relationship Psychology

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Are you looking for an ideal relationship unaffected by various insecure attachment styles?

While the idea of an ‘ideal’ relationship is highly subjective, it is possible for you to rise out of the issues that you may be facing because of your attachment style and aim for your ideal relationship

Before we discuss anything, let us understand that there is no definitive explanation of an ideal relationship. This term is highly subjective in the sense that any relationship can be perfect or ideal if it fosters growth and development, you both love and respect each other and feel healthy and happy. One s attachment style does affect the relationship that one forms but they do not guarantee the success or doom of a relationship. You could have an insecure attachment style and still have a healthy relationship and you could have a secure attachment style and still have a terrible relationship. It depends on the individual, their goals, and motives, and the love that is shared between the individuals 

While a secure attachment style does not ensure a successful, ideal, or perfect relationship, it definitely is a step in the right direction 

Steps To Deal With Attachment Issues

There are some steps that you can take to deal with the problems that you might be facing because of your attachment style. 

  • Identify irrational thoughts
  • Accept and work towards the removal of such thoughts
  • Talk it out
  • Focus on self-development
  • Focus on what you want 
  • Focus on what you need
  • Try to manage your emotions in a healthier manner 
  • Move on from the past 
  • Stop worrying about the future
  • Focus on the present  

Characteristics Of A Secure Attachment Style Relationship Look Like?

Once you have taken the above-mentioned steps, these are the characteristics that you should aim for

  • Having a favorable view of yourself and of others. This comes with loving yourself and trusting your partner 
  • You don’t hesitate from creating emotional bonds with others where you give and take in a healthy manner 
  • You wish to create meaningful and long relationships. You do not fear being abandoned, give your best and learn from your experience. 
  • You are self-aware. You are aware of your emotions, your strengths, and your weaknesses so you strive towards getting better, maintain a strong bond with your partner, and focus on your relationship. 

Characteristics Of An ‘Ideal’ Relationship 

Once you have identified your attachment style and the issues that come along with it and achieved a secure attachment style, you can aim for your ideal relationship with your partner. This is, however, not an easy process or a one-sided thing. It requires mutual and deliberate effort from both sides along with a lot of patience. 

Focus On Mutual Growth- if your relationship has the capacity to accommodate the growth of just one of you then it may be an imbalance. An ideal relationship should value the growth and development of both the individuals involved in order to maintain a balance.

Respect And Value Your Partner- respecting and valuing your partner is an unsaid quality that should automatically exist from the very beginning. Respecting your partner means acknowledging and maintaining the boundaries that they may have created, not making your partner feel uneasy. Valuing someone comes from valuing their thoughts, opinions, and voice, listening to what they have to say, and putting across your own point without cutting your partner 

Open Communication- open communication with your partner is essential as it allows the both of you to openly express what you feel and no one has to play a guessing game to understand what is going on or what s bothering your partner. It is easier to deal with conflicts when the conflict itself is clear and concrete 

Dealing With Conflicts Effectively- having conflicts in a relationship is normal, what is important is how you deal with those conflicts. It includes how you react to conflicts, how you treat them, and how you treat your partner during those conflicts. Not being able to deal with the, effectively might lead to further conflicts and resentment. It is advised to regulate your emotions in a way so you can avoid emotional outbursts and potentially hurt your partner.  

Failure to practice this can be damaging for both you and your partner. Therapy or couples therapy is a good option if you feel like the problems that you, individually are dealing with and the problems you face as a couple are becoming a hindrance to the ideal relationship that you want.

Ms. Priyanka Walia
Ms. Priyanka Walia M.A. Counselling Psychology Counselling Psychologist 05 years of experience

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Ms. Muskan Maheshwari
Ms. Muskan Maheshwari M.Sc. Clinical Psychology Clinical Psychologist 02 years of experience

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Mr. Nishant Sharma
Mr. Nishant Sharma M.Phil. Clinical Psychology Clinical Psychologist 07 years of experience

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Ms. Akshita Bakshi
Ms. Akshita Bakshi Ph.D. Relationship Psychology Counselling Psychologist 05 years of experience

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