How do I repair Emotional Intimacy with my Partner?

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Written By:

Counselling Psychologist - M.Sc. Psychology - Swansea University, UK.

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Reviewed By:

Counselling Psychologist - Ph.D. Relationship Psychology

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What is Emotional Intimacy? 

Emotional intimacy refers to the ability to form a deep connection with your partner that is filled with trust, respect, and vulnerability. It is a special bond that is created when two or more people trust each other and are comfortable with being vulnerable with each other. When people are emotionally connected they don’t fear rejection or judgment from the other and can share their thoughts, feelings, and emotions openly. People who are emotionally intimate have the ability to be good listeners and are empathetic to their partner’s concerns as well. When you and your partner are emotionally intimate with each other, you are able to form a beautiful bond where you both feel fulfilled and happy.

Why is Emotional Intimacy between Couples Important? 

The majority of the conversation around intimacy surrounds physical acts of intimacy such as kissing, hugging, etc. It is very commonly assumed that having physical intimacy in a relationship is enough for a relationship to flourish. Many people overlook another important component, emotional intimacy.

Imagine a dance duo. They have the physical capacity to dance, they have perfect hand and leg movements but in order to dance in perfect sync, they must have a deeper connection with each other. This is the power of emotional intimacy. It gives you and your partner the ability to dance seamlessly in a relationship. 

Emotional intimacy requires consistency and is not achieved overnight.

Here are some of the ways in which you can repair emotional intimacy with your partner:


Before jumping into fixing the problem, you must take a step back and evaluate your needs, feelings, thoughts, and emotions. It is important for you to reflect back and understand what was working and what wasn’t working. Perhaps you realized that you have some personal issues that were holding you back from having a strong emotional connection. In such a case, you must actively try and seek professional help who can help you solve these issues. 

Express Openly

After reflection, it is important to express your wants and needs clearly to your partner. One of the quickest and most effective ways to restore lost emotional intimacy is having more honest and consistent communication with your partner. You must have an open conversation with your partner where both of you air out your grievances and past problems that you couldn’t move past. After expressing, you can work together to create a plan on resolving the problems one by one. 

Practice Vulnerability

A large part of emotional intimacy is being vulnerable with your partner. If you find yourself hesitating or holding yourself back, then it may indicate that you don’t trust your partner enough just yet. Don’t worry, trust can be built. Take time out daily to express your feelings, thoughts, and emotions to your partner in small doses so that your partner feels included in your life. This way you’ll accustom yourself to being vulnerable with your partner. 

Understand Love Languages

Many underestimate the power of love languages in restoring lost emotional intimacy. Love languages refer to the different ways in which people receive and give love in their relationships. Every person has a unique combination of love languages but in general, there are primarily 5 love languages - physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, and gifts. Understanding your and your partner s love language will help you build a stronger emotional bond. Things like showering your partner with regular compliments (words of affirmation), or helping them in their work (acts of service) can help in restoring emotional intimacy. 

Schedule time for Non-Routine Activities

Almost everyone is caught up with their daily busy lives. This makes it difficult to restore emotional intimacy because we are caught up with our commitments and responsibilities. Start by being curious and schedule time for doing non-routine activities like a long drive every Friday night after work, a street food marathon once a month, etc. This way you’ll keep the excitement in the relationship intact. 

Ask and Pay Attention

One of the most consistent things you can do to keep your emotional intimacy intact is to ask a lot of questions. Seek your partner’s input on whether they like what you are doing. Ask them if they like you helping them around, or showering you with gifts. And to take it a step further, pay attention to their responses. If you ask the right questions, the answers will help you get a lot of clarity and this will help you improve the emotional intimacy you share. 

It’s never too late to repair something like emotional intimacy in your relationship. Reading this article, for instance, is taking the first step towards having a stronger emotional bond with your partner so well done! If, however, you find that you are still struggling with repairing emotional intimacy, then fret not!

Ms. Priyanka Walia
Ms. Priyanka Walia M.A. Counselling Psychology Counselling Psychologist 05 years of experience

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Ms. Muskan Maheshwari
Ms. Muskan Maheshwari M.Sc. Clinical Psychology Clinical Psychologist 02 years of experience

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Mr. Nishant Sharma
Mr. Nishant Sharma M.Phil. Clinical Psychology Clinical Psychologist 07 years of experience

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Ms. Akshita Bakshi
Ms. Akshita Bakshi Ph.D. Relationship Psychology Counselling Psychologist 05 years of experience

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