Should I Just Go Ahead With My Parents Choice

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Counselling Psychologist - M.Sc. Clinical Psychology

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Reviewed By:

Counselling Psychologist - Ph.D. Relationship Psychology

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If you are in your mid 20’s, chances are that you are being pushed towards or rushed towards getting married. Chances are that you already have someone in your life whom you wish to spend your time with, you don’t have anyone or perhaps, you don’t even want to get married.

As much as most of us always want our parents to be around, realistically, they won t always be with us. Most parents want the absolute best for their children but while doing so, they might look past what their child actually wants in life. Parents enforcing their opinions and wants on their children comes in many forms, such as choosing a career path for their children(‘I couldn’t become a doctor, I hope you do’) and choosing whom their child should marry. They might have the best interests while doing so but it might ultimately lead to conflicts in the family. 

How Do Parents Interfere And What Can You Do About It?

  1. Parents can choose a partner for you when you fail to do so yourself 

In such cases, it is important that you get to know the person before moving ahead with anything. And going on a few dates won t be enough for this. Marriage is an alliance that is meant to last forever, and choosing a person you wish to spend your entire life with could be tricky. Take your time to get to know the person properly, their strengths and their flaws, their future plans, and everything else that concerns not only your life with them but both of your lives as a couple. Some of this could include their future job plans, if they wish to move somewhere, plans on expanding the family, and so on. 

  1. Or, your parents could force you to leave your current partner and go for the choice that they have made for you

In many cases, children are scared to tell their parents about their romantic partners. In cases where you do, chances are that they do not find your significant other to be the best fit for you. They could feel this for multiple reasons, ranging from superficial reasons such as looks or reasons like astrology or matching horoscopes and checking if they are indeed a good match. The generation to which they belong, a lot of importance is given to horoscopes and astrology, if your horoscopes don’t match then chances are that the love of your life might be labeled incompetent and just bad for you. Other reasons also include caste, race, and social constructs which might make your parents hesitant and be forced to make new arrangements for you by themselves. 

Under this scenario, you need to prioritize what is important for you. Instead of getting defensive, you could try to practically look into the concerns that your parents are raising and think about whether those points are valid or not. If you truly believe that those points are not valid and you wish to go ahead with your choice and the partner that you have chosen for yourself, you should. Parents have control over our lives up to a certain age, post that, it is upon us to make our own choices and decisions, and those decisions might not always incline with other members of your family. 

It is ultimately you who needs to spend your life and time with another person, not your parents, hence this decision should lie upon you and your discretion. This is a choice that you need to make for your own life. Leaving this decision up to parents and going with their choice mindlessly and carelessly could ultimately lead to an unhappy relationship, unhealthy relationship, and even divorce. It is not guaranteed that none of these would happen if you stick to your choice, but at least you can hold yourself accountable for your decisions and your actions. 

These conflicts between children and parents often aggravate and become a lot worse if not dealt with appropriately. It is advised to take things slowly and smartly, haphazard steps and lack of patience will only worsen the situation. If things get completely out of control, therapy could be a good way to deal with it. A professional party person who creates a nonjudgemental space for everyone to share their concerns and deals with them effectively. 

Ms. Priyanka Walia
Ms. Priyanka Walia M.A. Counselling Psychology Counselling Psychologist 05 years of experience

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Ms. Muskan Maheshwari
Ms. Muskan Maheshwari M.Sc. Clinical Psychology Clinical Psychologist 02 years of experience

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Mr. Nishant Sharma
Mr. Nishant Sharma M.Phil. Clinical Psychology Clinical Psychologist 07 years of experience

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Ms. Akshita Bakshi
Ms. Akshita Bakshi Ph.D. Relationship Psychology Counselling Psychologist 05 years of experience

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