What are Commitment Issues?
Commitment issues refer to the problems that people have with making long-term commitments in romantic relationships. Those who have commitment issues often are fearful of making commitment to their partners or are afraid of taking things seriously with their partner. It is a very common problem that has plagued many people in romantic relationships.
A fear of commitment is characterised by a fear of avoiding labels in a relationship that could determine exclusivity, or not being comfortable with being vulnerable with your partner. People who fear commitment are afraid of being vulnerable with their partner because they are not comfortable with taking the relationship seriously. There are many reasons why someone can develop commitment issues but some of them are,
- Have a fear that they will get rejected by their partner,
- Have past trauma that is hindering them from being vulnerable in their current relationship,
- Have an excess desire for being independent,
- Have an inability to trust others easily,
- Struggle with emotional intimacy and can be emotionally unavailable.
Signs of Commitment Issues
If you feel that you are someone who could be struggling with commitment issues or know someone who could be having these, there are some of the signs you can check out,
- They don’t prefer thinking long-term with their partners who they have been seeing for a long time,
- It is difficult for them to open up to their partner easily about their emotions, thoughts and feelings,
- They value their independence above their relationship,
- They have a history of only being in short-term relationships,
- They can’t trust others easily,
- They don’t prefer going exclusive with their partners - using labels like “boyfriend”, “girlfriend”,
- They fear the idea of “settling down”,
- They struggle with emotional intimacy,
- They prefer “casual” relationships over “serious” relationships,
- They have a lot of relationship anxiety,
- They find it difficult to communicate freely with their partner,
- They are inconsistent in their texting or calling behaviour,
- They notice that their partner only take initiatives to make plans,
- They have an idealistic view of relationships,
- They have past trauma that is scaring them from being vulnerable with their current partner.
How to deal with Commitment Issues?
Like any other problem, it is possible to work through commitment issues with effort and consistency. These are some therapist approved ways in which you can deal with commitment issues,
- Self-Reflection -
This is the first step you must take if you want to work on commitment issues. You must practise self-reflection where you assess your needs, wants and desires that align with your values. Only when you reflect on what it is that you want from relationships, will you be able to communicate them properly with your partner.
- Communicate More -
The next step would be to communicate with your partner more about your reflections. You must share with them that you are struggling with commitment issues. This will allow them to show compassion to you which will make it easier for you to be vulnerable with them over time. Having a support system to help you through this is very important and so you can use your partner’s help through this.
- Identifying Triggers -
It also helps to identify the triggers behind the commitment issues. Perhaps you don’t really know how to be vulnerable or expressive. In such cases you can ask your partner to help you out. Or maybe you find it scary to plan the future because you fear rejection or failure. Remember that there is no perfect relationship. Every relationship will have its ups and downs and holding yourself from experiencing things fully will not help you get closer to a perfect relationship.
- Improving Self-Concept -
Oftentimes when we struggle with self-esteem and self-concept, we find it hard to believe that our partners want to commit to us. Hence, it is useful to work on improving your self-esteem while in the relationship so that you can believe that you deserve good and healthy things. Improving your self-concept will also help you become more empathetic and compassionate to yourself.
- Seeking Professional Help -
People who struggle with commitment issues because of past traumas find it easier to work through the issues with a certified therapist or psychologist. A professional will guide you through the right exercises to let go of fear and judgement, so don’t hesitate to reach out.
We have a bunch of relationship experts who can help you seek the help you need! Feel free to reach out to our platform for more guidance and assistance! You are not alone on this journey!