When you first meet someone, you might have a feeling that they are just the
right person for you. You feel butterflies, you feel loved and everything is
just perfect.
“Finally! I found - the one!”
Soon you will start to realise that the ‘honeymoon phase’ starts
to wane away. It’s very common to
panic or feel anxious at the fading of it and often question whether the
person is truly the right person, whether the relationship will last,
whether there is true love.
If you find yourself questioning the same, here are some signs you can watch
out for to calm your anxious thoughts about whether this relationship is
heading in the right direction or not -
- Individuality -
When a relationship begins, it is easy to remember that you are two different
individuals. However, during the course of the relationship, you and your
partner might forget that you are two separate individuals. This can cause you
to lose your individuality. If you and your partner have retained your
individual identity so much that you are accepting of each other’s flaws
and quirks and are assertive about your own, then it might be an indicator
that you are on the right path. If one of the parties is over compromising
their individuality to synchronise the relationship, then it is not authentic
to begin with. You should be able to be confident in who you are and what you
are doing and your partner must feel the same. The reason why you two are
together goes beyond the mere traits you possess.
- Trust -
Trust is an important foundation for any kind of relationship. Trust is when
you believe that the other person will be honest with you and will not do
anything intentionally to harm you. When you trust someone, you are unlocking
a different level of vulnerability. If your partner understands your trust and
vice versa and makes an effort to honour that trust, then your relationship is
on the healthy path. Although second chances are totally subjective, you
should ask yourself if entrusting your partner makes you feel safe or does it
make you feel unsettled. This is not built overnight and requires consistent
actions. Create a space where you and your partner can grow to trust each
other.
- Shared Values -
Values are guide stones that help you strengthen your bond. These could be
religious values, future goals, and other traits that could be fundamental to
strengthening your relationship. Many times phrases like ‘Opposites
Attract’ create a very idealistic notion that someone who is polar
opposite to you is your perfect match. Unfortunately, relationships cannot
exist on such ideals. No two people are similar, but having similar values and
similar goals for the future and similar outlook on life is an important
indicator for a healthy relationship. It is almost like you and your partner
are on the same page of the same chapter but in different fonts, meaning that
you are working for similar goals while retaining your own individuality. It
becomes very difficult for those who are not on the same page to create a
lasting relationship.
- Respect -
While values differ from person to person and from relationship to
relationship, one thing that cannot be compromised on is respect. A healthy
relationship is one in which the two partners respect each other’s
presence, time and words. Respect manifests itself as being an active
listener, communicating honestly, acknowledgement of others efforts and
feelings, maintaining boundaries, and showing empathy and compassion.
- Growing Together -
A healthy relationship is not born, but is created. It is a union where the
two parties agree to grow with each other despite all odds. A relationship is
bound to trigger your past traumas and flaws. But if you and your partner
adopt a growth mindset towards each other where you fill the space with
encouragement and safety to progress and learn, then it is a relationship
worth holding onto. The bond should be such that you mutually grow and
mutually heal.
- Physical & Emotional Intimacy -
It is important for people in a relationship to regularly express affection
and love to each other. Taking out time to be physically intimate, going out
on dates, doing things that you both enjoy is something that can help the
relationship prosper. Emotional intimacy can be established through regular
emotional check-ins with one’s partner on what is working, what is not
working, what is bothering them etc. Intimacy is building that connection with
your partner on a deep level by laying out your dreams, hopes, insecurities,
values on the table so that they can see and connect with the real you.
- Navigating through Conflicts -
This is an important factor that most people neglect. Every relationship is
bound to have conflicts but it is how you navigate through conflicts and tough
times that indicates how strong your relationship is. A conflict has to be
followed by change, not rigidity, but a compromise in behaviour and mindset so
as to indicate that they take their partner seriously. The couple has to
strive to reach a common ground that is filled with empathy and understanding.
Sometimes you might need the help of professionals and in such times you must
realise that both of you are working against the problem and not against each
other.
Finding clarity through reflection
If you have stumbled upon this article it is likely that you have some
concerns of whether the relationship is heading in the right way. Reflection
is one of the steps you can take to understand if you are on the right path.
If you feel that you cannot relate to most of these points mentioned above,
then it is an indicator that the relationship is not for you. Communicate your
reflections with your partner and see if you two can establish some common
ground to make each other feel safe and loved. Figuring out the problem takes
you one step closer towards finding a solution, so don’t lose hope if
you feel things are not going your way right now.
While every relationship is unique, the above points can provide an outline or
overview that can help you better understand if you and your partner are on
the right path. Uncertainty and adversity are part of every relationship,
addressing them through communication, empathy and reaching out for help will
strengthen your relationship deeper.