When you first meet someone, you might have a feeling that they are just the right person for you. You feel butterflies, you feel loved and everything is just perfect.
“Finally! I found - the one!”
Soon you will start to realise that the ‘honeymoon phase’ starts to wane away. It’s very common to panic or feel anxious at the fading of it and often question whether the person is truly the right person, whether the relationship will last, whether there is true love.
If you find yourself questioning the same, here are some signs you can watch out for to calm your anxious thoughts about whether this relationship is heading in the right direction or not -
- Individuality -
When a relationship begins, it is easy to remember that you are two different individuals. However, during the course of the relationship, you and your partner might forget that you are two separate individuals. This can cause you to lose your individuality. If you and your partner have retained your individual identity so much that you are accepting of each other’s flaws and quirks and are assertive about your own, then it might be an indicator that you are on the right path. If one of the parties is over compromising their individuality to synchronise the relationship, then it is not authentic to begin with. You should be able to be confident in who you are and what you are doing and your partner must feel the same. The reason why you two are together goes beyond the mere traits you possess.
- Trust -
Trust is an important foundation for any kind of relationship. Trust is when you believe that the other person will be honest with you and will not do anything intentionally to harm you. When you trust someone, you are unlocking a different level of vulnerability. If your partner understands your trust and vice versa and makes an effort to honour that trust, then your relationship is on the healthy path. Although second chances are totally subjective, you should ask yourself if entrusting your partner makes you feel safe or does it make you feel unsettled. This is not built overnight and requires consistent actions. Create a space where you and your partner can grow to trust each other.
- Shared Values -
Values are guide stones that help you strengthen your bond. These could be religious values, future goals, and other traits that could be fundamental to strengthening your relationship. Many times phrases like ‘Opposites Attract’ create a very idealistic notion that someone who is polar opposite to you is your perfect match. Unfortunately, relationships cannot exist on such ideals. No two people are similar, but having similar values and similar goals for the future and similar outlook on life is an important indicator for a healthy relationship. It is almost like you and your partner are on the same page of the same chapter but in different fonts, meaning that you are working for similar goals while retaining your own individuality. It becomes very difficult for those who are not on the same page to create a lasting relationship.
- Respect -
While values differ from person to person and from relationship to relationship, one thing that cannot be compromised on is respect. A healthy relationship is one in which the two partners respect each other’s presence, time and words. Respect manifests itself as being an active listener, communicating honestly, acknowledgement of others efforts and feelings, maintaining boundaries, and showing empathy and compassion.
- Growing Together -
A healthy relationship is not born, but is created. It is a union where the two parties agree to grow with each other despite all odds. A relationship is bound to trigger your past traumas and flaws. But if you and your partner adopt a growth mindset towards each other where you fill the space with encouragement and safety to progress and learn, then it is a relationship worth holding onto. The bond should be such that you mutually grow and mutually heal.
- Physical & Emotional Intimacy -
It is important for people in a relationship to regularly express affection and love to each other. Taking out time to be physically intimate, going out on dates, doing things that you both enjoy is something that can help the relationship prosper. Emotional intimacy can be established through regular emotional check-ins with one’s partner on what is working, what is not working, what is bothering them etc. Intimacy is building that connection with your partner on a deep level by laying out your dreams, hopes, insecurities, values on the table so that they can see and connect with the real you.
- Navigating through Conflicts -
This is an important factor that most people neglect. Every relationship is bound to have conflicts but it is how you navigate through conflicts and tough times that indicates how strong your relationship is. A conflict has to be followed by change, not rigidity, but a compromise in behaviour and mindset so as to indicate that they take their partner seriously. The couple has to strive to reach a common ground that is filled with empathy and understanding. Sometimes you might need the help of professionals and in such times you must realise that both of you are working against the problem and not against each other.
Finding clarity through reflection
If you have stumbled upon this article it is likely that you have some concerns of whether the relationship is heading in the right way. Reflection is one of the steps you can take to understand if you are on the right path. If you feel that you cannot relate to most of these points mentioned above, then it is an indicator that the relationship is not for you. Communicate your reflections with your partner and see if you two can establish some common ground to make each other feel safe and loved. Figuring out the problem takes you one step closer towards finding a solution, so don’t lose hope if you feel things are not going your way right now.
While every relationship is unique, the above points can provide an outline or overview that can help you better understand if you and your partner are on the right path. Uncertainty and adversity are part of every relationship, addressing them through communication, empathy and reaching out for help will strengthen your relationship deeper.