What is a Communication Style?
A communication style is a style of conversing that involves verbal as
well as non-verbal ways of conversing between a couple. There are
primarily 5 styles of communication and every person has their own
style. But it is important to remember the importance of every style
because it helps in determining how a person communicates their
thoughts, feelings, emotions, needs, wants and desires. The words a
person chooses, and the tonality with which they communicate those words
are essential to make a relationship healthy and more robust.
Communication styles can be likened to that of various cooking styles
of people. The goal is the same - to make a dish that is healthy and
tasty and favours all the people eating it. Similarly, the goal of
communication style is the same - to get the message across to the other
person in an accurate manner. The ways in which the dish is prepared are
just different styles. Similarly, the way in which the message is
communicated is just different. It is important to remember that
although there are different ways to get the message across to the
person, it doesn’t mean that the style is always healthy or
right.
What are the 5 Communication Styles?
As mentioned previously, there are primarily, 5 styles of
communication,
-
Passive Style of Communication -
This is a style of communication where a person refrains from
expressing their emotions, thoughts, feelings, needs and desires openly.
They avoid opening up and tend to avoid conflict because they don’t like
confrontation. This results in problems because they tend to place other
s emotions on a pedestal and their own emotions take a backseat. Their
goal is to maintain harmony and they are ready to cross boundaries to
ensure that their relationship is harmonious. This can be detrimental in
the long run because over time such behaviour results in a lot of
frustration and resentment that becomes internalized.
-
Aggressive Style of Communication -
An aggressive style of communication is a style of communication that
is characterized by violent, dramatic and dominant verbal or non-verbal
actions to express needs, thoughts, feelings and emotions. Such people
tend to use
anger
to communicate and this can cause a lot of insecurity and fear to creep
into the relationship. There have been instances of couples getting
strained because of this kind of communication style. The goal here is
not to maintain harmony as in the case of a passive style of
communication but to win all arguments. People with such a communication
style tend to blame, accuse and show no empathy towards others.
-
Passive-Aggressive Style of Communication -
Passive-Aggressive style of communication is a style of communication
where there is a mixture of passiveness and aggressiveness in the
communication patterns. This means that such kind of communication style
involves people being excessively negative to their partner whilst
making sure that they hide things from their partners. Such kind of
behaviour can cause a lot of confusion to arise because the other party
doesn’t often know what stand their partner is taking. People who
communicate using this style often resemble that of a poisoned candy
where they appear to be sweet on the outside but on the inside, they are
often unpleasant and toxic. Passive-aggressiveness is a style of
communication that involves a lot of hostility and negativity and this
can cause frustration to build up in the relationship.
-
Manipulation Style of Communication -
Manipulative style of communication is another dangerous type of
communication where people manipulate or alter conversations to
influence or gain control over their partners during a conversation.
When someone is using a manipulative style of communication it is often
found that they play the role of a puppet master where they control the
listeners and influence their emotions, thoughts and feelings as per
their convenience. They might appear to be charming and persuasive but
their intentions are never in the right place. They often aim to find a
benefit only for themselves. Getting involved with people who use a
manipulative style of communication can have severe negative outcomes,
so it is best to steer clear once it comes to your notice.
-
Assertive Style of Communication -
This is perhaps the healthiest form of communication out of all forms
of communication. In an assertive style of communication, people make
use of their words and tone in a respectful manner and ensure that they
are expressing these fully without hiding them for the sake of
manipulation or otherwise. Similarly, such types of people are mindful
when expressing their feelings and thoughts. They are empathetic and not
aggressive or rude. Assertiveness is a skill that everyone must try to
inculcate because it helps you draw boundaries from people and
situations that are not helpful and at the same time will help you gain
confidence during difficult conversations.
The Key Skills for Developing a Healthier Pattern of
Communication
No one is born with a healthy communication style. Everyone learns it
on their way and there is never an incorrect time to start learning.
Here are a few skills to keep in mind while developing a healthier
pattern of communication,
-
Self-Awareness -
One of the first things you can do to have a healthier pattern of
communication is to become self-aware. Self-awareness involves being
aware of one’s emotions, thoughts, feelings, needs and desires. You must
be in a position to know how you react when you get angry or sad or
happy. When you are able to reflect on your emotions and their reactions
you will be able to do a good job in communicating them to your
partner.
-
Empathetic Listening -
A large part of communication also involves being a good listener. A
good listener is one who is empathetic towards their partner. This means
that if your partner expresses something to you in confidence, you must
think about the situation from their perspective and put yourself in
their shoes to understand what they are going through. Unsympathetic
listening is where you throw advice and suggestions to your partner when
they come to you after a situation occurs. This is not helpful because
you are not trying to understand your partner, instead, you are trying
to override their reactions and emotions.
-
Non-Verbal Cues -
Only 10% of all communication is through verbal means. The rest 90% is
through non-verbal means. This means that a large part of communication
involves non-verbal cues. Non-verbal cues include body language, facial
expressions, tonality of voice etc. In order to be a healthy
communicator, it is important to understand non-verbal cues and use them
in a proper, healthy way.
-
Refrain from Using Negative Words -
Whether it be conflict situations or otherwise, a good tip is to
refrain from using negative words. Negative words like
“always”, “never”, and “hate”, have a strong impact. Using positive words is always beneficial because
your partner will be more likely to listen to your point of view and you
are more likely to resolve your arguments.
-
Draw Boundaries -
Drawing boundaries is an important aspect of communication. Using open,
assertive words you must draw boundaries. This can be done even with
your partner because only then will you and your partner be able to
build an environment that is healthy and respectful.
In conclusion, these 5 styles of communication are very important for
you to know and understand because accordingly, you can change the
behaviours that are unhealthy so that you and your partner and your
relationship are benefited in the long run. And we are here to help you
every step of the way!