What is a Love Language?
Love languages can simply be understood as the different languages or ways in which people communicate in love. It refers to the manner in which people are most comfortable in giving and receiving love. Just like a language is a form of communication system with which people can interact with each other, a love language is a form of communication system using which people can show and receive love in their relationships.
Everyone has a different love language and there is no such thing as a greater love language. All languages are equal as long as they are conveyed with love and honesty. Broadly speaking there are 5 love languages - words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, physical touch and gift giving (receiving).
The 5 Love Languages
Words of Affirmation
Words of affirmations refer to verbal or written ways of expressing love, appreciation and care to your partner. It is the kind of love language where love is shown through the spoken or written word. Some of the examples include, giving and receiving compliments, showing gratitude, encouraging and supporting your partner through positive words etc. Here are some of the signs to see if your love language is words of affirmation,
- You love receiving compliments and also like showering your partner with compliments from time to time,
- You use the phrase “I love you” a lot,
- You like having meaningful conversations and such conversations help you in strengthening emotional intimacy with your partner,
- You are not uncomfortable with expressing your feelings and you enjoy showcasing the same to your partner,
- Spoken or written word is the truest demonstration of love for you,
One of the important characteristics of this love language is the usage of positive vocabulary even when giving criticism to your partner. When you take your words seriously, you are careful in using negative words and exercise a lot of self-control.
Quality Time
This is a love language where people show their love by spending quality time with their partner. People whose love language is quality time usually showcase their love by giving their partner undivided attention, and time. For them, their time is precious and if they are sharing it with you, or you share it with them whilst being fully present then this is the truest demonstration of love. During said quality time you can engage in meaningful activities together like performing a hobby, watching something or just conversing. The point of the love language is to show that your partner deserves your undivided attention and love for that moment. Here are some of the signs to watch out for if your love language is quality time,
- Carving out time with your partner where you are present fully,
- Making the effort to do activities together,
- Giving them undivided attention,
- You don’t feel the need to check your phone or do something else when you are with your partner,
- When you enjoy being alone with your partner,
- When it is not about how long you spend with them, but how you are spending time,
- When you find contentment and satisfaction even when you are doing simple things with them.
Acts of Service
This is a kind of love language where love is shown by performing acts of service. These acts could be anything ranging from acts of physical intimacy, acts of emotional intimacy or just performing actions that are helpful to your partner. For people whose love language is acts of service, the highest demonstration of love for you is doing something for your partner that is helpful to them or puts them at ease. Here are some of the signs your love language is acts of service,
- You like helping your partner in practical ways such as helping around the house, offering to make a meal etc,
- You prefer to show your love through some act of service like giving each other regular massages, being physically affectionate,
- Taking the initiative to take care of certain responsibilities to help your partner out,
- Performing errands for your partner without being told to do so,
- Observing different ways in which you can be of service to your partner,
Physical Touch
This is a type of love language that focuses on showing love to your partner through physical affectionate actions like touching, holding hands, cuddling etc. This does not have to be sexual in nature always, it can be non-sexual as well. Non-sexual touch includes holding hands, resting your head on your partner’s shoulder often, cuddling, offering a tender kiss. Such people demonstrate their love by offering physical touch as a sense of reassurance and comfort towards their partner. These are some of the signs you can look for if your love language is physical touch,
- Enjoy being touchy-feely with your partner,
- Show love by being physically close and comfortable with their partner,
- Use physical gestures a lot like caressing your skin, holding hands while walking, hugging etc.,
- Physical touch provides you with reassurance and safety,
- A lack of physical proximity or physical touch leads to a disconnection in the relationship.
Gifts
Gifts as a love language involves receiving gifts and/or showering your partner with gifts as a demonstration of your love. The gifts don’t necessarily have to be something extraordinary. But people whose love language is gifts tend to enjoy showering their partners with tangible items that they can keep. Similarly, they also like receiving small tokens that can remind them that they are loved and appreciated. The gifts stand as a reminder for when they are seeking reassurance or security. Here are some of the signs your love language is gifts,
- Enjoy giving gifts to their partner as a token of love without a need for any occasion,
- Enjoy writing handmade cards, or making handmade gifts to give to your partner,
- You like giving your partner gifts that might even come in use to them - practical gifts related to work or any other personal interests,
- Enjoy receiving gifts from your partner - especially the intent behind it,
- If you find yourself being a “perfect gift giver”, then chances are high that your love language is gift giving and receiving.
The Power of Love Language
Love languages are very important to understand in any relationship. This is because a relationship consists of two different kinds of people who have very different ways of showing and receiving love. A way to ensure that your relationship is sustaining for the long-term is to understand the different love languages that exist and the proper ways in which you can use the love language to truly make your partner feel loved, seen and heard. Harnessing the power of love languages in your relationship can truly help in building a strong emotional connection with your partner. These are the benefits of understanding the power of love languages,
- More Intimacy -
When you make the effort to understand each other’s love languages, you are building a room for deeper intimacy to flourish. Wouldn’t you automatically feel closer to your partner when they express their love to you in a language you understand? That is why it is important to not underestimate the power of love languages when it comes to building intimacy in relationships.
- Improved Communication -
Understanding love languages involves having more communication with each other. Only when you openly discuss your wants, needs and desires, will you understand each other’s love languages and this will improve the communication levels between you two. This way it will be easier for you to bounce back from conflicts as well because you have no troubles in communications.
- Stronger Relationship -
Using love languages strengthens the relationship with your partner. A strong relationship is one where both the parties feel secure in the love and respect they have for each other. Love languages are one such way of communicating your true feelings and showing your partner your love. This will strengthen your relationship and will make it more fulfilling.
- Longevity -
A long-lasting relationship mostly involves putting consistent efforts to make the other person seen, heard and loved. This consistency is followed in the form of expressing love using each other’s love languages then it is going to be a strong foundation towards the longevity of your relationship.
How can you use Love Languages to make your Relationships better?
It is never too late to harness the power of love languages to make your relationship more healthy and fulfilling. These are some of the ways you can use love languages,
- Reflect on Your Love Language -
The first step is to understand how you would like to be shown love and appreciation. While all love languages are healthy forms of expressing love, people often have one or two languages in specific that gives them a superior feeling of reassurance and security. So it would be helpful to understand what your love language is and how you would like to be communicated to in love.
- Ask your Partner -
The next step would be to ask your partner what their love language is. It is important to know how your partner would like love to be expressed. If they don’t have a love language yet, encourage them to discover one. This way you will know exactly how you can make your partner feel more loved and appreciated.
- Communicate -
In order to harness the true power of love languages it is important that you keep lines of communication open between you and your partner at all times. When you and your partner are expressive of each other’s language, then you are allowing yourself to be loved in the manner you deserve! So don’t hesitate.
- Consistency -
An important element in any relationship is putting in consistent efforts. It is important that we try our best to show our partner love and appreciation, and it is important that we get the same behaviour in return. If you feel anxious about certain behaviours that do not make you happy, then communicate them with your partner. In this way you both can correct each other and support each other to love each other.
Love languages help in tightening the bond of your relationship and helps you sustain your relationships in a healthy and loving manner. This is why it is important to understand the power of love languages because it can guide you as a couple towards a fruitful and long-lasting future.