Impact of Emotional Intimacy on Relationships
Emotional intimacy refers to the ability to form a deep connection with your
partner that is filled with trust, respect and vulnerability. It is a special
bond that is created when two or more people trust each other and are
comfortable with being vulnerable with each other. Emotional intimacy is very
important to maintain the vitality of a relationship. If there is a lack of
emotional intimacy in the relationship, it feels like two people are living
very uncoordinated lives together.
You have been seeing your special someone for a long time and everything seems
to be going great. You enjoy each other’s company and have had no problems
getting physically intimate together. This seems enough right? Unfortunately,
it is not. Having fun and being physically intimate does not guarantee
happiness in a relationship. There is one more component that has to be taken
into consideration and that is emotional intimacy.
Emotional intimacy is very important in a relationship because it helps in
creating a lasting sense of satisfaction between the couple. If you and your
partner are able to create a secure and trustworthy emotional bond then it
will nurture a deep sense of love, care and affection that can create a
long-lasting relationship. Emotional intimacy is also useful in creating
states of positive well-being for the partners in the relationship. When you
are emotionally intimate with your partner without fear or hesitation, you are
likely to experience more positive emotions.
How does a Lack of Emotional Intimacy create Relationship
Dysfunction/Imbalance?
If a relationship has a lack of emotional intimacy for a long period of time,
then the vitality of the relationship is going to get lost. A relationship
without intimacy is like two uncoordinated partners. There is going to be a
lot of chaos and disruption.
These are some of the effects of a lack of emotional intimacy in a
relationship:
-
Lack of emotional intimacy leads to a breakdown in communication between
partners,
-
Partners are likely to feel excess of frustration, and
anger
,
- Feelings of detachment and isolation,
- Experiencing a lack of support and validation from their partner,
- Inability to trust their partner,
- Fear of being vulnerable with their partner,
- More conflicts and arguments,
- Loss of satisfaction in the relationship,
-
Not feeling the desire to engage in sexual or physical intimacy acts,
-
Experiencing more negative emotions like
anxiety
and sadness.
What are the Factors that contribute to a Lack of Emotional Intimacy?
These are some of the factors that could be contributing to a lack of
emotional intimacy in your relationship, stick around to find out,
Poor Communication
Communication is the cornerstone of any relationship. It is very important for
partners to have regular conversations where they air out their grievances and
address the things that are bothering them. Communication should also involve
having a conversation about your needs and wants from the relationship so that
your partner knows what to work with. If you find yourself hiding things from
your partner, or just holding yourself back from sharing your thoughts and
feelings, then you are drawing a subconscious barrier between yourself and
your partner. This is going to be a problem with establishing emotional
intimacy.
Fear
Another reason that could be hindering your ability to have emotional intimacy
with your partner is a deep-seated fear. Maybe you are fearful because you
feel that if you disclose too much, you will come across as needy or might be
rejected. Or perhaps you feel that if you communicate with your partner about
a problem, they will lash out at you. Fear is a very strong emotion and before
you ridicule yourself for being fearful in your relationship, you must examine
the root cause behind it. What are you scared of? And why are you scared? The
answers to these questions will reveal the true problem that is forming a
barrier to having stronger intimacy.
Issues with Self-Concept
People who struggle with their self-concept could also contribute to a lack of
emotional intimacy. This doesn’t mean that something is inherently wrong with
you, but it is an indication that there is something problematic about the way
you think, especially about yourself. Having a poor self-concept can make it
difficult for you to be authentic in your relationship. Small triggers can
upset you and make it difficult for your partner to take the initiative to
connect. It is important, therefore, to work on yourself and the triggers that
could be holding you back from being your happiest self in the relationship.
Negative Past Experiences
Another factor that is responsible for a lack of emotional intimacy is having
a lot of emotional baggage. Have you ever been subjected to negativity in your
past relationships? Maybe you suffered through a long time of emotional (or
physical) abuse and now you find it difficult to let your guard down
completely. While vulnerability can seem like a big task, remember that it is
one of the first steps towards stronger emotional intimacy. There are many
relationship experts who can help you drop past experiences and move forward
with a little more confidence.
Low Emotional Awareness
Having low emotional awareness is also a huge indicator of the lack of
emotional intimacy in your relationship. Low emotional awareness means that
either you or your partner is unaware of how the other feels or thinks in the
relationship. If you find it difficult to deal with the emotions and feelings
of your partner when they are coming and sharing them with you, then you
probably don’t have much emotional awareness and ability to deal with them
correctly.
Disconnection
Have you noticed that you and your partner live disconnected lives? Even
though you both are under the same roof (maybe) and are aware of each other’s
presence, you seem to be disconnected. This often happens when people get too
caught up with their own lives and their own minds. They often forget to
notice their partner and this contributes to the disconnection. This is why it
is often suggested that couples should take time to do things together in the
relationship so that they can sustain some connection.
These are some of the prominent factors that could be contributing to the lack
of emotional intimacy in the relationship. But these are not permanent, and
can be changed if you and your partner decide to make a change for the
better!
Self-Help
It is never too late to restore the lost emotional intimacy in your
relationship. These are some of the ways you can help yourself and your
partner in rekindling your lost emotional intimacy,
Communicate More
One of the biggest reasons people lose out on their ability to have emotional
intimacy is by not communicating more. You must openly communicate with your
partner about your needs, wants and thoughts. This will allow your partner to
meet them at their capacity. Not being communicative creates confusion because
your partner does not know what you want vs. what you need.
Emotional Vulnerability
Emotional intimacy is the creation of a deep emotional bond. Therefore, you
must allow yourself to be emotionally vulnerable with your partner. You must
share what you are feeling, how you are feeling etc. with your partner from
time to time. This allows you to be emotionally seen by your partner and can
create a deep connection.
Create Shared Routines/Rituals
When you create a sense of togetherness within a shared routine or ritual, you
and your partner are strengthening intimacy. These routines or rituals can be
ranging from simply doing your chores together, and cooking together or can
involve the both of you engaging in a hobby together. This will allow you to
spend quality time together and the proximity can enhance intimacy.
Empathy
It is very important to practise empathy in your relationship. Sometimes our
partners just require a good hearing and not advice. In moments like these, it
is useful for us to practise empathy by placing ourselves in our partner’s
shoes. By practising empathy you are validating their emotions and making them
feel heard. This is going to create trust and your partner is going to be more
vulnerable with you over time.
Show Affection
Showing affection is a big deal in building emotional intimacy. You must show
regular affection to your partner. This can be in various ways. Perhaps you
can shower your partner with some words of affirmation or gratitude, or you
can shower them with gifts if that is your style! Even a little goes a long
way in making your partner feel loved. This will help you strengthen your bond
with them and guarantee vitality in your relationship.
How CoupleBees Can Help
Our platform, CoupleBees, is a blog designed to help you
navigate through issues like trauma that could be impacting your
relationships. The platform is maintained by Relationship Experts who have
curated and reviewed the content by reflecting on real-world scenarios. This
is a platform where you can get professional insights on ways to work through
your trauma by developing self-compassion, empathy and resilience. We also
provide a safe space for those who want to hear from other couples and their
experiences. Along with this, our experts provide personalised advice in their
therapy sessions, so feel free to reach out to our experts for further help on
being your best self!