Every marriage has certain roles and responsibilities that have to be fulfilled by each of the partners. These roles are not hard and fast rules but they are more flexible roles that can help the couple maintain a proper balance for a healthy relationship.
These roles are influenced by many factors. One of them is societal expectations of gender. There are many roles that are assigned to the partners based on the gender they identify with. However, despite all these gender-based expectations, one important reason why roles exist is for the partners to balance the different parts of the personality and help their relationship get better.
To understand the different roles in a marriage, the analogy of chess playing can be used. If we look at the game of chess it can be seen how different players have different roles. And if synced or merged together with proper harmony we will be able to play a good game and even win. Relationships work in a similar way. The roles that are assiged to each partner are not to be seen as hard and fast roles, but should be seen as adaptive roles that are performed only to make a relationship better.
Role of a Wife
As a wife, there are many roles that have been passed down mainly due to societal influences or generational differences. It is important to understand the roles as a puzzle piece that help to form a good relationship. These are some of the roles that ideally can be assigned to a wife,
- Team Player -
First and foremost, a wife must be a team player. Despite having roles that could be very different to her husband, a wife must ensure that they are a team player. This means that every action you do must benefit the team of you and your spouse. It should not be done in isolation. You should collaborate plans with your spouse and must contribute towards the well-being of each other and the relationship.
- Trust & Respect -
Secondly, a wife must show her husband trust and respect. This means that the wife must never do anything that will undermine the husband. If they have to be challenged or questioned, the criticism must be provided in a constructive way and not in a demeaning way. Even during conflicts a wife must ensure that she is not undermining the dignity of her husband,
- Emotional Support -
A wife must help her partner in dealing with the difficult emotions he is facing. This being said, it doesn’t mean that the wife becomes a venting machine for the husband. But the wife should ensure that the husband is taught self-regulation strategies from time to time so that they can deal with their emotions in a constructive way.
- Compassion & Care -
The husband will be having his own roles and responsibilities. The wife must ensure that she is being considerate and compassionate to the partner. Harsh comments and criticism will only cause arguments to arise. So a wife must ensure that she provides sufficient positive reinforcement to her husband from time to time.
- Responsibility -
A wife has her own responsibilities to fulfill. For some, it is the responsibility of taking care of the household, for others it is taking care of the responsibility of the workplace and earning a livelihood. Whatever responsibility a wife subscribes to, she must honour the responsibility and must not turn her back on it.
Role of a Husband
Just like society influences the roles of a wife, it also influences the roles of the husband in a relationship. These are some of the roles that a husband should take up for a healthy relationship,
- Affection & Validation -
A good husband will provide regular affection and validation to his partner as a form of showing his appreciation for her effort and dedication. This doesn’t have to be only establishing physical intimacy but husbands should ensure that they put the effort towards having emotionally intimate relationships with their partners.
- A Safe Space -
A husband should be a safe space for his wife. This mens that they should ensure that they make their partner feel safe and secure. Husbands must create an environment where their wives feel protected and valued. This protection and safety should not be of the physical needs but also of the emotional needs.
- Challenging Partner -
The role of a good husband should be to challenge their wives to do better and be better. They must be advocates for well-being and encourage their partner to prioritize their well-being and help them manage all the responsibilities.
- A Good Communicator -
The role of a good husband should be to be a good communicator. You should not bottle up your emotions or feelings. You should communicate and express your emotions openly with your partner. This way you will allow yourself to be vulnerable to her and this will strengthen the emotional bond of your relationship.
- Responsibility -
As mentioned in the case of the role of the wife, a husband should also honour all the responsibilities you sign up for. This can be ranged from doing household work or taking care of the workplace and financial needs. Whatever be the responsibility, just like the wife has to honour her responsibilies, the husband must also do the same.
Adjustments vs. Compromise
Although we have mentioned certain roles that must be performed by the wife and the husband, it is important to remember that these roles are not fixed or rigid and can be applied to either partner. The goal behind the role and the motive behind it must be kept in mind. Similarly, it should also be kept in mind that during the course of any kind of relationship, these roles must be adapted and adjusted.
This is where understanding the difference between adjustment and compromise comes into play. Adjustments refers to making minor changes in behaviour to facilitate the other partner. Compromise, on the other hand, involves making bigger changes only after proper consultation with the partner. Adjustments don’t require elaborate planning and must be done as and when the situation demands it. Adjusting in a relationship should not be made into an issue as one should be flexible. On the other hand, compromises should not be done without proper discussion. A compromise without a proper discussion can become a sacrifice, which is not healthy for a relationship. In a compromise you must ensure that you and your partner are both winning something and losing something. It cannot be a win-lose situation, it has to be a win-win situation.
Once these pointers are kept in mind, you will be able to flourish in your relationship. We have more such content on our blog CoupleBees that can help you be a better husband or a better wife and a better person in general!