You Will Feel Attracted To People Besides Your Partner

Author picture
Written By:

Counselling Psychologist - M.Sc. Clinical Psychology

Author picture
Reviewed By:

Counselling Psychologist - Ph.D. Relationship Psychology

Image description

Infidelity, commonly referred to as cheating, is a serious issue that many people go through in relationships. While the most common form of infidelity is physical, there are chances that people indulge in emotional infidelity without being aware that they are doing something wrong or purposely indulge in it. 

Infidelity is a subjective topic that differs from relationship to relationship. It even differs between two people in the same relationship hence boundaries and meaning of infidelity should be discussed beforehand. If your ideas are too conflicting then it won t be smart to be in a relationship with them. For example, if flirting is a form of emotional infidelity for you and your partner simply does not believe in it and thinks that sleeping with other people is the only form of infidelity. The concept of cheating is so conflicting that you are bound to be hurt here. 

How To Avoid Such Situations 

You can avoid such situations by having an open conversation with your partner at the beginning of your relationship. Having a discussion about what you consider emotional infidelity and what your partner considers infidelity will allow the both of you to be aware and avoid such situations, especially when it was not intended to be this way. If your partner loves to hang out with their friends and have night stays, which you do not like, then you both can discuss and talk it out so you can reach a conclusion that is acceptable to both of you. Compromise is an essential aspect of relationships, and so are sacrifices but making sacrifices in this situation might not be ideal and you would be ultimately setting yourself up for disappointment sooner or later. 

Some people have a stricter idea of what a healthy relationship means and others have a more open idea. Neither of them can be labeled as wrong or right, till the time the people involved are comfortable in the relationship then it is good for them. 

What To Do If You Feel Attracted To Other People 

If you are in a long-term relationship, it is common to feel a little monotonous, and talking to new people might give you a sense of freshness and you might start liking those other conversations more. Under these situations, make sure that you dont confuse that sense of newness with attraction. Make sure to be truly aware of your situation and your feelings. 

Finding someone attractive is relatively normal, but acting upon it is not. Acting upon those thoughts is a completely different thing which, simply put is, wrong or unethical. There are certain things that you can do if u feel attracted to someone.

  • Maintain your distance from them- if you have identified your feelings for someone else then it is advisable to maintain your distance from them in order to reduce and ultimately terminate those feelings.
  • Don t take it too seriously- you need not think about how you feel for hours on end, that won t get you anywhere. If you feel like you have feelings for another person, accept it and try to get over it instead of thinking about that person.
  • Don t fantasize about it- do not fantasize or romanticize the person or different aspects about them. 
  • Try being in your partner’s shoes- how would you feel if your partner had feelings for someone else, and even worse, acted upon them? It hurts to be in a position like that, and if it hurts you, it will hurt your partner too. 
  • Spend more time with your partner- spending more time will allow you to realize why you are with them in the first place, and that might make you appreciate their existence in your life more.  
  • Accept your mistakes- running away from your feelings or actions won t benefit anyone. A better way would be to accept them and try to make the situation better by taking the right steps. 
  • Discuss it with your partner if required- if you feel the situation has gotten out of hand, keeping your partner in the dark will end up hurting them. Come clean to them and decide if there is anything that you both can do about it.

Being in your partner s shoes will make you realize that your actions might be wrong. Simply imagine yourself in your partner’s shoes and see how would you feel if your partner were attracted to someone that they told you was just a friend or someone completely new. While being attracted to someone is normal, it is in your hands to deal with the situation effectively and not make it any worse than it already is. Having these thoughts is one thing, acting on it the wrong way is in your hands. If you wish to be with someone else, then simply discuss it with your partner and break your old relationship first before you enter a new one. Having more people in your life might feel exciting in the beginning but it ultimately leads to no good.

How To Deal With Your Partner’s Commitment Issues

As we were talking about being in your partner’s shoes, let us consider a situation where your partner is struggling to commit, then what are the steps that you can take to manage this situation? 

But firstly let s try to understand signs which might show that your partner has commitment issues. 

  1. They don t initiate plansDo you feel like you’re the one who constantly makes the effort to plan out dates or day outs with your partner, and they just go along with whatever you do? Not wanting to make plans or not putting in the effort to plan out dates is something that you should look out for.
  2. They tend to avoid conversations about your future if they tend to avoid commitment or avoid the term ‘relationship’ even after a long while then they may be hesitant to be emotionally vulnerable with you and have a future with you. 
  3. The relationship feels one-sided if the relationship feels one-sided, meaning that you do everything and dont feel any form of reciprocation, appreciation, or even acknowledgment. 
  4. They dont respect your efforts or time they fail to acknowledge the effort that you put into the relationship and them. 
  5. You feel like you are the one who’s holding the relationship. This could lead to you feeling exhausted and even resentful towards your partner.

What should you do now?

  1. Listen to them

If you listen to them calmly then chances that they will be open and honest to you about everything that they feel. Getting angry and not hearing them out might push them to hide even more things from you.  

  1. Being patient

If they have trusted you enough to share their feelings with you and they assure you that they will handle the situation and fix things give them the time to do so as well. Rushing them or pushing them will not be helpful for either of you

  1. Set boundaries 

Set boundaries and be headstrong while maintaining them. Setting boundaries means that you should be clear with your partner about the things that are acceptable and the things which you are not comfortable with. 

  1. Don t force them

Do not try to force a relationship with someone who is not on the same page as you. That will make things worse than what they might already be 

  1. Have a non accusatory conversation 

Talk to them openly about everything and make sure that you do not have an accusatory tone. Doing will make them uncomfortable and not.

Ms. Priyanka Walia
Ms. Priyanka Walia M.A. Counselling Psychology Counselling Psychologist 05 years of experience

View Reviews

Get up to 50% OFF on counselling session
Ms. Muskan Maheshwari
Ms. Muskan Maheshwari M.Sc. Clinical Psychology Clinical Psychologist 02 years of experience

View Reviews

Get up to 50% OFF on counselling session
Mr. Nishant Sharma
Mr. Nishant Sharma M.Phil. Clinical Psychology Clinical Psychologist 07 years of experience

View Reviews

Get up to 50% OFF on counselling session
Ms. Akshita Bakshi
Ms. Akshita Bakshi Ph.D. Relationship Psychology Counselling Psychologist 05 years of experience

View Reviews

Get up to 50% OFF on online counselling session

Request a call back

Need any consultations contact with us